By: Jessica Cirilo, family relationships specialist , parenting coach, and founder of Familiandoando
We want to raise our children with love and respect, but we find it difficult to set firm limits and say “NO,” especially when the last thing we want is to cause another tantrum. Just as being loving and warm parents is important for the healthy development of our children, being parents who establish clear expectations, rules, and limits is just as important (more than 60 years of studies on parenting styles show this conclusion).
Now, why is it so difficult for us to establish firm boundaries without losing our warmth? Here I tell you some of the reasons/beliefs why we may be finding it difficult to establish firm limits, so you can review them, identify them in yourself, and work on them.
- We don’t want our children to suffer
- We believe that our responsibility is to make them happy
- We believe that the only ways to get our children to do what we are asking them to do are screams, threats or punishments
- We think that setting limits, explaining the reason for the rules, agreeing on consequences in advance with our children, and following up on what was agreed is a lot of work.
As a mother of four girls, reviewing these beliefs was the first step to identify which of them were not contributing anything positive to the upbringing of my daughters, understand what my true responsibilities were, what my daughters truly needed from me, and thus be able to be a warm and firm mom without having to sacrifice any of these two key qualities (warmth and firmness) to raise physically and emotionally healthy, independent, self-confident, and successful children.
I invite you to start reviewing which of these beliefs may be stumbling blocks on your path and decide to change them little by little so that you can take charge of raising your children and establish warm, strong, and safe relationships with each one. from them.
Jessica and Majo Bastidas have been facilitating a support- group in Spanish for immigrant moms residing in Pittsburgh and the surrounding area for three years. This group is sponsored by the JFCS. It’s completely free for interested moms. Meetings are once a week via zoom, on Wednesdays at 11:00 am. They also offer private parenting workshops and consultations. For more information about their services you can write to the email jessicadecirilo@gmail.com or get them on Instagram: @familiandoando and @psiconazando.
